Interview

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The diary was written partly by moi and partly together with Roheryn, Probono and Belethdelothiel. You will notice there aren't a lot of pictures here- we were all too lazy to take any. Some of us (ok, me) didn't even buy film until the last day.

DAY 1

10:00 Saw a Figwit on the plane. Named him Iwot#pwit (I Want Off This #$(*% Plane, Who Is That?!). He only caught me staring at him twice. Wooohooo!

13:45 In Heathrow. Tried to but couldn't find Probono and Roheryn before boarding plane to Edinburgh. Realizing finding people when you don't know what they look like is harder than I thought.

14:00 On the plane. Some creepy girl snuck up and threw a newspaper at me. It's the Figwit edition of USA Today! Turns out creepy girl is actually Probono, my friend. People sitting on either side of me quite scared now. Roheryn up at the front of the plane, laughing at us. Very odd first meeting.

17:00 Arrived at the flat we rented for our first 9 days – cute place just a short bus ride from Festival Fringe central.

18:00 Lying on the couch.

19:00 Lying on the couch.

20:00 Lying on the couch.

21:00 Lying on the floor. Couch broken. Blame Probono. Can't stop laughing.

Roheryn in the position she likes to call The Shclumpf.


DAY 2

11:00 Stomach hurts from laughing too much yesterday. Probono and Roheryn complaining of same thing. Wait...maybe it's because of the Thai food we had the night before.

Not much today. Off to town and can't understand Scottish. Frustrated bus driver finally offered to stand up and yell at us when it was time for us to get off, rather than keep trying to explain it to us. Some guy in the street yelled "Hey! Do you want to swap some trousers, mate?" at us. Scottish men cute but weird. 

20:00 Home again. Decide to try writing with our feet. 

20:10 Table broken, blame inDUH.

Now, aren't you glad we shared that with you?.


DAY 3

13:00 I meet with Stan, the director of the Figwitmentary. Sat over coffee and pretended to understand each other. Lots of smiling and nodding. I like him!

18:00 Back at the flat. Belethdelothiel (aka Beleth) arrives from Germany.

18:30 Bathroom towel rack broken. Blame Beleth. That's when we knew she's one of us!

00:00 Arnwenelf arrives. Finally! We meet. We all stayed up late, talking. It was hilarious! She slept on the floor (couch still broken).

inDUH (right) and Probono (left) looking suspicously like the same girl with different color hair


DAY 4

10:00 Pair of socks flushed down the toilet. Toilet broken. Blame Arwenelf.

13:00 Beleth, Probono and Roheryn went to meet Greenwood Hobbit at the train station. Scottish people very nice but can't give directions. Finally found Greenwood Hobbit – thank Eru for cell phones. She didn't break anything so we were worried about us getting along – but our worries were in vain.

13:10 inDUH and AE went to meet Bret Mckenzie and Stan (we like him!) Stan did an interview with us first and then- Bret came strolling in, looking a bit worried. Can't imagine why; it's not like I told him I can smell his brains... his spicy brains...

We all sat down and chatted for a bit. Surreal hour. I'm pretty sure we all felt that way. We talked about the site, about Figwit, about everything, really. Found Bret to be incredibly nice and sweet. He seems to be enjoying all this- its hilarious, he says. Afterwards, we all went back to the flat to meet the rest. Beleth, Roheryn, Probono and Greenwood Hobbit had made it back and were waiting for us. Stan followed us with a camera and so did Taika (Cohen. Kiwis might recognize him from films such as Scarfies and TV shows like The Strip). Sat around eating limp pizza and making faces at the video cameras. Just for kicks, we fed Bret some Fig Newtons.

Bret is thinking: Oh god, I've sold out before I've even hit it big

Discovered we forgot to pick up our tickets for a show that was about to start in 30 minutes so said goodbye to Bret, Stan and Taika and made a run for it. Got to the boxoffice in the last minute.

17:30 Show was fun. Passed some time by wandering about and sitting over coffee.

22:30 Humourbeasts show! Performers: Taika and Jemaine (Clement), Bret's partner in Flight of the Conchords. Setting: The Caves, which resembled a cross between a giant pizza oven and…well, a cave. Damp, drippy, high, domed ceiling, and brick-lined. Very old. If you sat in the right (or wrong, depending on your point of view) spot, you got dripped on. A lot. Roheryn kept looking for salamanders on the walls. Taika and Jemaine are an outrageous riot! Laughter non stop. Our favorite part; – a hilarious skit with nothing but four straws, two paper cups, and a lot of grunting. 

23:45 Flight of the Conchords show! Still in The Caves. Sitting under a drip. Flight of The Conchords are New Zealand's 4th most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo; this was their Folk The World tour. Thoroughly enjoyed the show. Bret and Jemaine put on a delightful and hilarious performance, and we giggled, snickered, and outright howled with laughter all through the show. Highlights include songs like "Mother*uckers" [that is the unedited song title – it's a self censored song] and "Frodo", a tribute to LoTR. Still can't believe Peter Jackson turned them down when they tried to get it on the official soundtrack.

Flight of The Conchords in action. Big thanks to Ahriell for this pic.

01:00 Up in the bar above The Caves, which became a favorite late-night hangout for the rest of our stay (truth is we were too lazy to look for a better place). Met Jemaine, who seems to be a natural Figwit (minus the pouting).

A pout off between Bret and Stan. You be the judge.

Not wanting to be upstaged by anyone, Roheryn managed to set her hair on fire (her version, apparently, of breaking something). Interesting way of getting attention from guys. She kept muttering something about Balrogs. She also snuck downstairs and wrote one of her Figwit limericks on a Flight of the Conchords poster.

Taika met Figwit (the real one, not Bret) in the toilets. Honest! We have proof- fortunately for us Taika had my recorder with him and he was able to catch the whole thing on tape.Click here to listen.

inDUH and Greenwood Hobbit left early because they kept nodding off on complete strangers.

DAY 5

07:00 Beleth, Arwenelf, Probono and Roheryn finally came staggering in.

11:00 Slept in but now time for Arwenelf and Greenwood Hobbit to leave. :( Said goodbye. We only got to spend a day together but it was amazing. A shame we didn't get to wreak a little more havoc together!

12:00 Probono tried to use American hairdryer in Scottish electrical outlet with the wrong half of an adaptor. Scorch marks everywhere. Hairdryer broken. Blame Probono. At least *she* didn't set her hair on fire too!

Stayed at the flat most of the day and relaxed. 

19:00 Went to see a show – something incoherent about voodoo and hedgehogs – but almost fell asleep. Only thing that kept us awake were props in the show, which kept breaking or falling and apparently had lives of their own. Best part of the show!

DAY 6

Caught a few great shows today. Jerry Springer:  The Opera deserves a mention. Lines like "What the f**k? What the f**k? WHAT THE F******************K?" almost sound poetic when sung in a deep baritone. We were given buttons as souvenirs afterwards – "Chick With a D**k" and "Three-Nippled Cousin F**ker" were two of our favorites.

Nothing broken today. Something seems wrong here. 

22:00 Relaxed at a pub. Some of us *cough* Roheryn *cough* Beleth *cough* are obviously easily entertained.

Roheryn (left) and Beleth (right) providing their own entertainment at a random pub while Stan stares intently at Ro's elbow.

01:00 Met three other Figwitters outside The Caves. Very cool meeting them! Got to talk for a bit and then headed back to the flat.

DAY 7

14:00 Stan came to the flat to do some interviews and ended up making pointy-elf-ear cookies for us. Very tasty nibblings, and Stan was ever-so-sweet to humor us. (We definitely like him!) 

17:00 It was a slow day so we decided to do what every tourist does when they are bored – inDUH got her eyebrow pierced and Probono got henna tattoos all over herself.

21:00 Passed the time by dubbing freaky Chinese soap opera on TV, saw a show called Mind Games. Amazing. One man playing mind games with his audience, and winning.

It's a shirtless guy in a kilt. Do we really need an excuse to put this here?


DAY 8

Beleth and inDUH decided to stay longer. Probono and Roheryn wanted to stay longer too but couldn't. Spent the afternoon talking to clueless people at British Airways.

22:30 Went to see Humourbeasts and Flight of The Conchords again – thanks to the guys, who gave us free tickets (woohooo!) Very odd FoTC show – some 60 year old lady majorly heckled them! I think she was insulted because they stole her chips bag. After inquiring whether they believe in God, she left in a huge huff. Classic Fringe moment, really.

01:00 Met Sean Connery at the Caves bar. Were surprised to find out he's a huge Figwit fan! Click here to listen to him.

DAY 9

Last day for Probono and Roheryn. They spent the day during tourist stuff. Apparently there is more to Scotland than just Edinburgh – a big lake somewhere with a legendary monster? Sounds fishy to me.

23:00 Roheryn and Probono back from their adventures. Went up to Caves pub. Had to pass the creepy Door Guy first. He told Roheryn not to write any more limericks on posters, but we're pretty sure what he meant to say was that he really enjoyed the (questionable) poetry. The Kiwi brigade was there too. They were very excited because they got to ride on a double decker bus today. Oookkkk. Met Rhys Darby, Kiwi comedian, who's just as goofy as the rest of the Kiwis. (Saw his show – we all loved it!). He asked us to mention him on the site. We can do better than that! We have a picture!

Back – Rhys' unsuspecting behind. Front – Beleth's hands.

Left pic- It was Taika's 23rd birthday. For the 4th time in a row. Right pic- Bret and inDUH


Had a hilarious and thoroughly enjoyable night.

05:00 Bar closing, so we get kicked out. Walked back to flat. Roheryn said bye to the guys, Sad moment for her.

DAY 10

07:00 Roheryn and Probono took a cab to the airport. :( Very sad moment; it was like saying goodbye to very old friends, and I think that's how we all felt. But we will meet again, I am positive. So it's down to just me and Beleth now. Who's going to make us seem (moderately) normal in comparison now?

10:00 Beleth and I moved out of the old (big) flat and had to carry all of our stuff (why did we bring all this crap?!?) half way across town to the new (very small) room we rented.

01:00 Caught a crappy show. A fitting end for this day!

The new room as seen from top bed. We had to sleep standing up.


DAY 11

11:00 Went to DVD party at Arielle's house – a Scottish Fellowship event. Backyard barbecue and food (yay!). Bret, Taika and Stan arrived a bit later. We were also joined by a local reporter and photographer, and a NZ film crew following the fortunes of Kiwi fringe acts for a TV segment.

12:00 After they interviewed Bret and Arielle and after a very embarrassing photo shoot ("Let me see some teeth!! Lovey dovey!!! Happy faces happy faces!!!") we went inside to watch the council scene for the NZ TV crew. I was about to wolf whistle when Figwit came onscreen but stopped before I did when I realized Bret is sprawled on the floor less than a feet away. NOTE TO SELF: don't go to any DVD watching parties with Hugo Weaving or Sean Bean. Might get very embarrassing. We were still dead tired because of the day before, so we had to leave before the actual DVD watching began! Met with the Scottish Fellowship again, later that same evening back in Edinburgh.

DAY 12

20:00 The guy at the door at the Caves bar has been giving us dirty looks whenever we go in. So we put on our patented invisibility helmets – as taught to us by Jemaine – and go by. Door Guy looks puzzled. Do you think he saw us?

20:30 Went to see a show. Were the only ones there. Performer offers to go next door and see the other show with us. We agree! Go next door and find seats. But then introduction guy puts spotlight on us and explains to everyone that we are different from the rest of the audience, and that they must not pick on us because of it. We woulda kicked their orc asses I'm telling ya!

Hung out, met some people, got to see a candle being viciously disfigured. Good fun!

04:00 Great evening ends with a perfect moment – after wandering a bit, we found a chips place open at 4:00 am! Joy! Perfect moment ruined when inDUH trips and falls on her ass, sending chips flying all over the sidewalk.

DAY 13

14:00 Another slow day so once again we did what every bored tourist does – Beleth got her tongue pierced. We spent most of the day sitting at a restaurant eating very slooowwwwllly.

20:30 Saw a great improv show called Crash Boom Bang. The two performers were brilliant. When I met one of them later I discovered he is actually shorter than me (5'0") which made me like him even more.

21:30 Sat in the street after a show and talked for a few hours... in the rain. Some weird guy threw a bag of weed at us.

DAY 15

20:00 Had a nice little chat with Door Guy at the Caves. We suspect that we got the wrong initial impression. It wasn't that he doesn't like us – he does like us but is very shy and can never think of something good to say. So he just glares. Of course! How did it take us so long to figure it out? How is it possible *not* to like us? Charming, genteel girls that we are...

20:05 Had a spitting competition.

DAY 17

Fringe Tip – If you happen to go to the Fringe Festival and go to a show called "Best of So You Think You're Funny", don't sit in the front row. There is a reason why no one sits there. Did you hear that, Beleth-lets-sit-in-the-front-row-delothiel?

DAY 18

Last day in Edinburgh. Pathetically tried to do all the things we planned to do but never got around to. You probably won't be surprised to hear we didn't really get anything done.

22:00 Up in the Caves pub, one last time. We're sure going to miss that moldy, drippy, smoky and stuffy old place. Door Guy is crushed because we're leaving, we can tell.

02:00 Did the interview with Bret in the middle of the street at 2:00 am: funny, very bizarre and thoroughly enjoyable. I guess that also kind of sums up our whole Edinburgh adventure – too funny, very bizarre and thoroughly enjoyable.

Spent the rest of the night at the bar with the Kiwi brigade (yup, we were all kicked out of the bar again).

06:30 Time to say goodbye to everyone – very depressing because this is when we realize it's really over. It's been an amazing experience – something to tell...well maybe not our grandchildren because we don't like children, but maybe the nice nurse at the old people's home, the one that always gives us extra jello for dessert.

07:00 Went into a grocery store and bought some comfort food.

DAY 19

11:00 Flight back to London.

13:00 Met with River-Woman! Fellow TORnsib. Very cool moment! She had us spend the night. We got to meet her lovely family and finally fell asleep watching FOTR (it's ok – it was Arwen's ford scene, we didn't miss anything important).

DAY 20

10:00 Got to the airport from hell, Heathrow. Time to say goodbye. So we did...but not really because almost immediately we started SMSing nonsense to one another.

03:00 Home, not-so-sweet-even-slightly-bitter-but-it'll-get-better-with-time home.

 
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