The Arena at TORN is a place where people can post their
fantasy battles and choose weapons and location and so on. I have
rearranged the battles slightly from the original form to make them easier
to follow. Some people only posted one reply, while others had a running
battle until someone waved the flag! Enjoy. BTW we kicked Boba Fett's
a** in the Arena! Go us!
Boba Fett VS That mysterious elf Figwit!
These two silent types collide in a battle of epic proportions! Boba
Fett has for over twenty years captured the imaginations of millions
of SW fans! Will Figwit achieve such hallowed status? or will his
fandom be comprised of the mere... er... twenty or so of us that have
Subject: I don't think a being under partially rusted? Scratched?
Armour can beat a graceful FIGWIT in lithe elvish costume
Besides, who knows how good Boba Fett is without all that high
tech gadgetry that conceals his true self. Figwit knows however, with
his keen elven sight and sense that Fett is insecure about himself
and therefore so diligently conceals his visage to all beholder.
Figwit can stare Boba Fett down with his nice eyes and Boba Fett
will realize his own inferiority.
Just know that while FIGWIT is warming up his pout muscles(sp?),
Boba Fett (Bobo) has entangled FIGWIT with his snare gun as is
taking aim with his wrist laser!!!
Figwit's a slippery (and willowy) one and with elven grace,
manages to disengage himself and climb a tree, taking deadly
arrow aim (he IS and elf--- we'll give him the benefit of the doubt
that he can fight like one!)
FIGWIT has underestimated the strength of his scrawny little elfling
arms. Under the added weight of a loaded arrow his aim fails and
the arrow flies harmlessly to the ground!
...During all this Bobo has started his jet engines and is flying on a
ramming course towards FIGWIT, a sitting duck in the tree!!!
Subject: "Grace" and "agility" being his elvish middle
He swings down from his perch, pirouettes, retrieves the fallen
arrow, notches it to his bow and fires with flawless aim and sparks
fly from Bobo's injured jet-pack!!!
With fluid grace, he ducks behind a tree.
Subject: Continuing from below
Ahh But FIGWIT had in his Narcissistic admiration of his pirouette,
forgotten that Bobo is the wielder of the
in his pocket. He uses it and the battle is yet again status quo!!!
Subject: Once again Figgy, enigmatic as ever...
looks silently on. He does a swishy move with his robe and swirls
all around BF, confusing his tin radar head.
While BF is trying to get his bearings back after all the super fast
moves pulled on him by Figgy, our hero (did I mention his name is
FIGWIT) steps back and pulls out another ultimate weapon, with a
quick bit of styling thrown in.....yes, a killer move here........the one
and only Princess Leia hairdo! BF is scared ****less by this move
as it brings back bad memories of his last a** kicking!
Figgy goes for the pout and stare...enough to make our
inDUHvidual weep....and BF is powerless to resist the mind trap.....
Subject: But then!!
Bobo (thats what I call him) gathers the last ounce of courage and
beat the Medusian trap by FIGWIT.
He reaches for his backpack (yup he has one somewhere) and
A shiny metallic FRYING PAN!!!
FIGWIT sees his own pout and immediately starts to ogle his
reflection. FIGWIT is incapacitated.!! POINT BOBO!!!
Starting up his jet engine Bobo flies straight towards FIGWITs
pretty boy face pan in hand...
Seconds to go..Can FIGWIT stop the ogling(sp?)
Subject: And while he gets thrown back
and off course in his tin pot tin pack the frying pan flies from his
Figgy (did I mention our hero's name is FIGWIT) pulls a stunner of
a move, back flips over keeping hair do intact, and lands with his
hand on the frying pan. He flips up, lands on his graceful pointy
toes and from under his flowing robes, pulls another ultimate
weapon to go with the 3 he has already....
Yes people, it has come to this........
the gloves are off and the egg whisk is out! He proceeds to whip BF
all over the place with said whisk (note pun, bonus point team us)
as BF makes a ton of noise cause he is a walking tin can. Figgy
stays silent and graceful, not a thunk to be heard....
He stands back to admire his handiwork and casts his gaze over
the pile of dented rust that is now BF.
Subject: Ta daaaaaaaaaaa
Figwit and BF (as I shall now refer to it) circle one another, silently
except for the strange clanking sound BT makes whenever he
moves (all that tin stuff-not good for the silent factor ppl)
Figwit, our hero, smoulders silently, unnerving BF with his deep
dark eyes. BF tries to do the same back and fails miserably as no
one can see his eyes (or if he has any for that matter) cause they
are behind a wire mesh type thing!
Point to Figwit.
BF goes for his laser gun, but gives the game away by clunking
(point to Figwit) and Figgy in a stunning move, silently reaches for
a secret weapon stashed in his SILENT robes.....a giant magnet!!
OH MY GOD!! BF is helpless, he gets pulled toward the magnet and
is stuck. Glued by his tinny a**. GO ME...GO FIGWIT....now where
are the kitchen utensils here? Tin opener.....
Have you had enough already???
Figwit is ahead.....and always will be if I have anything to do with it!
Figgy the winner
figwit sees another flash of silver reflecting light... from bandura's
cheese grater! he sees his image all torn by the holes in the thing
of horror and is filled with a raw furiosity that blows bobo away!
Subject: The power
of the cheese grater is too much for Bobo! He must think
strategically here, turn FIGWITs attention away from the Grater...
What's this!?! FIGWIT gets preoccupied with his now ruined hairdo
(the Leia move)!
Bobo Tip Toes behind a tree, and throws a rock in the opposite
direction. FIGWIT swirls around to see what it was and
immediately Bobo takes out a dozen forks, rushes up behind
FIGWIT and entangles the forks in FIGWITs hair leaving the
weeping elfling rolling on the ground in despair...
Subject: Yup, looks as though we've won!
GO US! Anyone know anything about mounting head's on plaques?
as in trophies? I'd like one of the masked bobo and one of
lostcause... and whoever else was stupid enough to go up against
the Torn ladies!
Subject: Aren't you celebrating a bit to soon?
As far as I can tell it's a tie.
True Arwenelf, Bandura (Sore looser Bandura, you can't run around
chopping peoples heads off you know!) got to Bobo with the
eggwhisker(sp?) and the grater.
However I left STICKWIT wailing on the ground with a dozen forks
in the wig
Subject: A dozen forks you say! Ha ha ha
Figgy in his calm and cool manner whips them out of his hair,
silently and in a killer move lets fly with them all at ole tinpot BF
beat up with eggwisk loser. They crunch into his tinpot suit and pin
him to the tree, such is the force that threw them. He may look
slight but our hero (did I mention his name is FIGWIT and he's
gorgeous) has amazing strength under pressure and can over come
all tin pot walking clanking kettles!!!
Tin opener, Leia hair, egg wisk and frying pan are all present and
accounted for as is TINPOT BF tinny a** loser!!!!
Subject: Ahh But Figgy hadn't taken into account that
Bobo outsmarts him in every way...
FIGWIT thinking the battle over starts freshening up and thus taking
his mind off Bobo...BIG mistake!
Bobo pushes the anti gravity button on his forearm (yes it's a
kitchen utility. You try to scrape off tabasco sauce from the ceiling
of your spaceship-kitchen without it!!) and SWOOSH the forks fly off
in different directions, one of them flicking the make-up kit FIGWIT
was holding in his hand!
Restarting his jetpack Bobo takes off while reaching for his
Terror stricken FIGWIT is frozen to the spot unable to move his size
Out of the backpack Bobo fetches a roll of aluminum foil. With the
help of his jet engine he flies in circles, covering FIGWIT from head
to toe in Alu foil, leaving the elfling looking like a baked (albeit
Ah! But Bobo isn't finished yet...
Pulling out an inflatable oven from his backpack, he forces 3
packages of yeast down his throat, before putting the desperately
struggling FIGWIT in the oven and turning it on...After a few
minutes the 'meal' is done and out crawls a disheartened FIGWIT.
The once so fair looking elf now looks like a cross between a dried
plump and stuffed poultry!!!
Subject: Ahhhh, but BF had forgotten that
yeast to Figwit is like spinach is to Popeye!!!! He may crawl out of
the oven, but once he gets to his feet, his muscles start to ping and
fill right out to enormous proportions. He attains superhero strength
and with his killer utensils and moves lets rip at BF and his tinpot
tinpack once and for all.
He flies all around, turning the alu
foil trick of baked potato wrapping on to BF and ties him up in a
killer bondage move. He then whips out from under his robes the
ULTIMATE ULTIMATE WEAPON........Yep, you guessed it......a
microwave!!! He squishes BF and the tin pot tin pack into the
microwave and lets rip with the timer.
20 minutes later and BF goes POP!! Big time. All that foil....not
good for the tin can!! HAHAHAHAHAHA. He is a melted, mangled
pile of tin pot goo. And as he sets he turns into scrap and sold to be
turned into tin cans.
Winner .....FIGWIT.....go us!!!
Subject: LMAO! OK OK
Bobo is toast I give!!!
Hehe at least I left FIGWIT looking like an oversized, steroid
beefcake who would make the incredible hulk look gorgeous in
BWAHAHAHAHA I get the final word
Great fight Arwenelf :-D
Subject: Excellent ending!
Up comes legolas... smiling shyly... 'you did all of that for me?' he
'nope' is figgy's curt cold answer, 'for truth and love and all that is
good! and most of all for the devoute ladies of torn!'
'does this means its over between us?'
'what ARE you talking about? there never was any 'us'. your
perception of pj's masterpiece is distorted, gimli is yours!'
legolas makes a pained statement and turns to pout and maybe
find celeborn or elrond for some cheering up.
once legolas is out of earshot figgy lets up a glorious shout: