The Arena at TORN is a place where people can post their fantasy battles
and choose weapons and location and so on. I have rearranged the battles
slightly from the original form to make them easier to follow. Some people
only posted one reply, while others (DUH and myself) had a running battle
until someone waved the flag! Enjoy.
Battle: LEGOLAS vs. FIGWIT (yes!!)
Weapons: Hairbrush, powder, tweezers, mirror, other beauty
The question is: Who's prettier?
Subject: Hafta be Loyal... Legolas
So Legolas doesn't need all that stuff, you see, he is the standard
of beauty in his lands... all the other elves need that stuff to be
pretty, but he does it all by himself... besides...
totally un-original hairdo on Figwits part...
Subject: Oh really?
Hello????? He has dark eyebrows!
'..he does it all by himself...'
Subject: I'll back inDUHvidual...
Figwit is interesting... and he isn't blond! Nor does he have blond
roots like Orlando Bloom!
Subject: Saw it again to be sure
OK, so I went back the other night and saw the movie again so I
could make an educated statement. Honestly, I never noticed
Figwit the first time I saw it. But it's the blonde hair gang, gotta
give it to Legolas. Not that Figwit's any slouch, but, well, my
loyalties lie with Legolas.
Subject: My opinion on elves in the movie
Figwit seems like a Sindarin elf but so is Legolas. They both look
handsome. Figwit however has such thing called immovable
rigor and air of mystery and high hopes therefore from his fans
that no jumpy spoiled elf princeling Legolas
can defeat. Figwit knows Legolas' every move....
The Lorien elves on the other hand...I'd rather not talk about.
Subject: They could just pout each other out?
Blow air kisses and wave their hair brushes while singing I Will
But if it came down to it, having seen the killer moves Legolas
pulls with a bow and arrow and blade I'd have to go with him,
Tweezers would be a cinch for him. He could pluck Figwit's nose
hair out and tweak his eyebrows into submission.
Sorry inDUHvidual!! LMAO
Figwit's greatest weapon is silence.
He makes people *very* uncomfortable
and when the enemy is sufficiently embarrassed
he whips out his wah wah brush and messes their
Subject: But what if they start *muwahing*???
Air kissing to normal people!!!!
Would the pouts get in the way? And what about the hairbrushes?
Soft bristles or crunchy ones? Still reckon Legolas will get him
with a deft blast of the hairdryer and a flick of the hair over left
shoulder. Killer move.
And tweaking his eyebrows would be the final blow.
Figwit may be the silent type but that won't unnerve Legolas who
is an expert at sensing *stuff*.
Legolas is way toooooo pretty and knows how to make the most
out of his camera time and angles. Winner every time.
Oh I've really lost the plot here now!
Subject: Killer move indeed *but*
You are forgetting that Figwit is a master of what is only known as
The Lost Puppy Look.
And don't tell that doesn't make your stomach tickle!
Yes, Legolas is way too pretty- he knows that.
Figwit is also way too pretty but he DOESN'T know
it! That makes him prettier in my book!
Subject: Legolas reaches for the ultimate weapon....
The compact mirror and powder case. With brush. Brandishing this
under Figwit's nose he shows him his horror of nasal hair and
whips out tweezers. While Figwit is stunned at the less than pretty
reflection that is staring back at him and saying nothing, Legolas
finishes him off with the final killer move.......he blows him a kiss!!!
Winner Legolas!!! Again!!! Go me.
Subject: But wait... wait it's not over
Something is happening!
Figwit blushes prettily and that seems to make
Legolas hesitate... big mistake!
Figwit grabs his hair, takes a single strand
and holds it in front of his face.
What is that?! Split ends AND the roots are showing!
Subject: But Legolas is ever ready and...
whips out his scissors, nips off the offending split end and in an
audacious Edward Scissorhands lightning move, flies his nimble
hands over Figwits hair and steps back, whips out pistol compact
and shows Figwit his stunning new hairdo.......a chopped bob, with
fringe/bangs that has Figgy wailing like the loser he now is!!!
Legoals twirls his scissors and slips them back into his arsenal of
beauty items and case and admires his genius!
We have a winner...Legolas! Go me.
Subject: *waves white flag*
I CAN'T believe I'm saying this...
so be it.
You heard right.
Legolas is the winner.
Figwit is not a fighter... he is a lover.
He still has his *snaps fingers diva style* dignity and
he refuses to sink so low.
(and I ran out of ideas)
*Sigh* it's always like that. Trashy bottle blonde beauty (also
see:Pamela Anderson) is always more aggressive than
classy/quiet/broody dark haired beauty.
I'm not surprised.