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New categories are marked with- Figwit Lives! has been around for a while now and during that year we got hate mail. Not a lot... but hate mail is hate mail. These emails are very repetitive and I'm not going to bore you with all of them. However, I want to share some them with you. Most hate mail can be categorized into a few groups. They are: | ||
EF hate mail- Enraged Fangirls. |
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| The most common type of hate mail. These are written by very young girls who for some reason
feel they need to defend Legolas' honor. EF hate mail sometimes looks like this: Subject: Figwit hello ok YOU ARE ALL CRAZY! WHAT KIND OF NAME IS FIGWIT ANYWAY? AND HE'S IN THE ENTIRE TRILOGY FOR 3 SECONDS AND I DONT GET YOU! NO ONE IS BETTER THAN OUR BABY LEGOLAS! HE'S SO HOT AND HE'S SO MUCH MORE TALENTED AND AMAZING THAN AN ELF THAT NO ONE REALLY KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT! i'm sorry if this e-mail is rude to you but you have gotta listen ok? ok! sorry once again but it just makes me so MAD!!! EEEEERRRRRGGGGH!!!!!!!!!! Reply: I don't mind that kind of mail. I was that age once myself. I usually reply politely and do my best to explain that I have nothing against Legolas and that he's a hot piece of elf. Unfortunately, most of the EF hate mail is different. The most common type is easy to recognize- it's short and often reinvents the English language ("u suck cuz legolas is gr8 who si Figwit anyway") For example: Subject: THIS IS S***** GREENLEAF lEGOLAS'S WIFE AND D***** HALFELVEN
Your site sucks b/ it makes of our Legolas. How Figwit Sucks D**** and S****** Greenleaf Reply: I don't answer those. It's a waste of time. | ||
HTP hate mail- Humorless Tolkien Purist. |
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| Not long ago, columnist Dave Barry wrote a funny little review of The Two Towers. He liked the movie,
but thought it was too long so he wrote his own, shortened version of the script. He got hate mail. A lot of hate mail.
One email was even written in Elvish. The writers of these emails are the Humorless Tolkien Purists. Don't get me wrong- I have nothing against Tolkien purists. It's the ones with no sense of humor I don't like. Unlike the EF hate mail, the average HTP email is well written. Unfortunately, the only thing it proves is that I'm not as big a geek as I thought I was. I'm practically cool compared to them. Subject: none. This is moronic. Setting aside the fact that “Figwit” was a mockery of the story (as he wasn’t a part of it), its truly disgusting that all you can gather from this wonder of a book and glorious movie is that an extra is gorgeous. You people are pathetic and callous. Good Day.
Reply: The best way to deal with HTPs is to annoy them even further and finish up by telling them to get a life. For example: | ||
HTPF hate mail- Humorless Tolkien Purist Fangirl. |
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| This is a new and strange hybrid. It's fairly rare. These emails, like the HTP emails are well written but share the
mental level of the EFs. Very interesting. Subject: none I apologize, but this character "figwit" whom you deem so "gorgeous" is not at all attractive. I also did not appreciate your wording in the "gallery" section where you wrote "figwit and some other guy." Show Aragorn some respect! He is perhaps the most important character in the film, and was brilliantly portrayed by Viggo Mortison. Your "figwit" does shit-all in the movie, and for some reason you consider him to be the most important part. HOnestly, mature a bit and appreciate this film for the world that Tolkien created, not for some silly little boy character that you will never be with. Also, Legolas makes a much better elf. Reply: Dude. It's Viggo Mortensen, not Mortison. But I can tell you love him very much.
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PP hate mail- Pseudo-Purists |
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| Ok, so I'm not sure this deserves it's own category because it does seems like an amateurish Humorless Tolkien Purist Fangirl.
Then again... you can't be a Purist if you use SMS speech. Everyone knows that. If there is anything Purists hate beside
frivolous websites dedicated to random extras, it's SMS speech. And going outside. And meeting people.
So, I decided to call this category "Pseudo-Purists" because, really, I just like saying "pseudo" as often as possible. These are
people who like to think they are Purists but can't seem to get it right. HI. u dont know me and will probably never meet me, hopefully.it's people like u that make me mad. i happen 2 b 1 of those Tolkien Purists(my friends and i call our selfves 'Tolkienists') and i have a few bones 2 pic with you. A) Bret is kind of cute and FIGWIT is ok...but GIMME A BREAK B) it's u morons that make it so FIGWIT has more fan sites than Sam >_< C) Frodo is better looking than ANY elf could ever be(Legolas is almost there), especially FIGWIT D) u think legolas is girly, if u havnt noticed, at least HE wears pants, where as FIGWIT only wears DRESSES E) sorry if this offends u, but i have some major steam to blow off =^.^= F) i do have to agree that FIGWIT is cuter than Aragorn, but not by much G) im giveing this adress to a bunch of my friends, and as far as i know, they will write hate mail too=^.^= Namarie -Ninwen Reply: Oh this is a tough one. Does it deserve an HTP reply? Maybe just the usual Enraged fangirl reply? Or maybe just something similar to what is below. That way you can speak to them in the only language they understand AND the fact that half of the acronyms are made up will keep them distracted for a while:
omg lololol sry u r so stpd PWND!!!11one1 ^___^ g2g cul8r h&k dik sow ps frodo is teh ghey
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Proud member of the Kojiro club!
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Dumbass Hate mail- I Want to Be On The Hate Mail Page |
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| I'm serious! I received several of those ever since this page first went online. These are just trollish attempts to get attention,
and I probably shouldn't indulge them, but they're kinda funny, so what the hell.
It's usually easy to tell them apart because they don't really seem to have an agenda, or they're totally over the top.
The fact that they came right after the hate mail page went online is also a hint. For Example: Subject: please read this it's about u!! you my geeky friends are some of the most pathetic bunch of people to have ever wasted this even small amount of unneeded space on our huge internet, look i know you probably have an excuse of being ridiculously stupid because you probably have more pimples than brains, and not to mention the amount of time on your hands seeing as though you obviously have no personallity and no one (normal) to converse with in the "real" world. if i were you, i would be trying to kill myself as fast as possible, and ask to go and have reconstructive plastic surgery and making myself look like saddam hussain and then preceeding to go and piss on george w bush so you can suffer a fate far far worse than death. i shall take up religeon so i can pray for your poor pathetic souls. Reply: It's been a long time since I got this one, so I don't really remember how I replied to it. If I think they're trying to get on the hate mail page, I commend them for trying and give them pointers for next time. Like... don't sound like an axe-wielding maniac on Ritalin.
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Conclusion: At least it's more amusing than spam.
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